I'm going to start at something that may not be clear to you.. What is the difference between a Miscarriage and a Stillbirth?
First lets be very clear. BOTH are devastating. BOTH are a major loss.
Miscarriage is a pregnancy loss before 20 weeks. 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. Depending on how far along the pregnancy is, you can still go into labour and deliver.
Stillbirth is the death of a baby after 20 weeks, before or during birth. At this point they have experienced labour or an emergency cesarean & birthed their baby. As more time goes on with the pregnancy, the more developed the baby is.
Now, you're here. Your loved one is hurting and you want to do something. You're in the right place. Now is the time for you to step up. Don't wait for her to reach out to you. She won't. Get in the trenches with her. Tell her you're here and you're not going anywhere. If she's not ready in this moment, tell her you will be there when she is and keep checking in! Don't stop! Because when she is ready, she wont be dialling your number.. You will need to make a conscious effort here.
The best advice I can give you is to just be there. Be present. Listen. And don’t give up.
"I'm so sorry this happened to you" Is all you need to say right now.
You don't have to add anything else to the conversation and most times that is best! Unless your loved one has specifically asked for your input, I would hold back.
Telling them that your cousins friends Aunty had a stillborn once will not help right now.
Telling them Steph from the office had a miscarriage last week and it’s so common will not help either.
If you yourself have suffered a loss also, you can talk about it, when they're ready. If you haven't talked about it before, now may be a good time for you both.
And FYI NEVER NEVER NEVER start a sentence with "At least".
You're here. You care. You have just signed up to be part of their precious support network. And they are going to need you now more than ever.
Sending big hugs,